so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
