i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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