I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
