U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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