Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
