I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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