yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
