I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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