I have demons in me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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