Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So much rum. So many feels.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
