im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
