You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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