ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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