I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
