i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
