There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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