I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
