bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize