Pregnant stripper...not hot.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
