ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
