fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
