i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
