I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize