I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I came so hard my ears popped.
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