Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
