My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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