Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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