i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
