I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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