So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
