You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
