you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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