New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
