what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize