Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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