It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
