My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize