How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
