just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
