I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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