I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
