Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
