Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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