i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize