I'm gonna have a badass scar
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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