its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
