I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
