threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
