Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
