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I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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