Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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