don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
