she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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