party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
