Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
