i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
