No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
