ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
