Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
