just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
