I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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