I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
