I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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