I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
