How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
