Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
