i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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