apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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