Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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