I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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