Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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