So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do vagina's smell?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
