I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
