I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
