OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize