Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
birth control should be required to get into college
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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