I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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