I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So vagazzling was a success
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
