Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
