Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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