She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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