Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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