R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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