and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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