Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize