my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
