I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
