you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
