she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize