At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
