Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
