mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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