Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
