He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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