I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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