i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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