Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's shark week go big or go home
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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