It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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