Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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