The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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