fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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