My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize