Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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