if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
