Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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