if only i could text you this smell
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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