Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
