You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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